Jolie was a pretty typical teenager from my point of view, even though I really don’t remember her well. She was undergoing a cognitive and physical transformation like most of the sixteen year old studnets in my U.S. History class. She didn’t particularly like school, like most of my students, but she wasn’t oppositional. She dressed appropriately, from a teacher’s point of view. She didn’t have any of the outward characteristics that marked her as a risk taking narcissistic adolescent. No spiked hair, sexuality or crazy colors. She was chatty and polite. I remember she sat at the front and to the right of the podium in the large classroom I had been assigned. She did her work, but missed more school than a learner can afford and still succeed. I don’t remember what grade she got or even if she finished the school year. I do know she transformed me as a teacher.
Now my brain gets fuzzy and I can not tell you much more about her. I spent my time practicing effective teaching and although I truly enjoyed my students, I didn’t really involve myself in their lives. I had three kids of my own, 130 other students, two dogs, one wife and a soccer team I coached. I was a pretty typical high school teacher, who after 15 years of teaching had found a rhythm that satisfied my life. I had discussions with my students about life, behavior, schooling and other topics that many teenagers find more interesting than U.S. History. I considered myself student centered, but in retrospect I was curriculum oriented and under pressure to present a certain amount of information on a schedule determined by our department chairman.
I began my teaching career in the Marine Corps teaching electronics. I learned how to pour information into a brain and use discipline to make my students listen to me. When I began teaching I was a follower of B.F. Skinner, the behaviorist. Data in according to rules, apply certain formulas for information retention, and mix in the proper balance of discipline and reward. That was my philosophy and it applied to all students,.
After I was discharged I followed my wife’s suggestion and became a school teacher, like her. I went to the university and encountered other ways of thinking about teaching; I was introduced to other philosophies, open schools, and alternative methods of discipline. When I went into the classroom I continued to teach the way the Marine Corps had trained me to teach.
I did not truly understand the power of words. I thought if I loudly and firmly that was enough. But, what we say to children and how we say it can have powerful effects over their thinking for many years. It is sort of like one day finding a plant growing in your garden that you don’t remember planting. One of the clearest examples of this was shown to me by the eight year old son of a friend. We were playing a game of Boce, before we began he and I had a discussion about cheating. My parting words were, “Cheaters are losers!” After my side lost the game Dylan announced that I was a cheater. That wasn’t what I meant for him to learn. See what I mean, words are powerful and teachers have innumerable opportunities to grow unintended plants.
By the time Jolie had become a student in my class I had learned many ways of teaching my subject and managing my class, but I still did not understand the unintended consequences of words. I did chat with my students from time to time. I was not such an effective teacher that every moment was spent on content. I tried to give my students time to make their own meaning of the information, and we often had conversations about things that were troubling them. They were always interested in news about views of society about teens, romance, risk-taking, and other tidbits I tried to incorporate into my classes. By now I knew that ordering adolescents around is like stacking ping pong balls and didn’t use the same type of bombastic language I used just after my discharge. I realize now I was on a journey of discovery about education that was part of my maturation process. Jolie helped me to complete that process.
The year after Jolie was in my class I could not recall her features and barely remembered her name. She however remembered me. One day before Christmas break I entered my office and there on my desk was a letter from Jolie. I must confess that what she said was the result of unintentional gardening, but what blossomed was truly wonderful. She explained that she had been depressed, dropped out of school, and continued a downward spiral that eventually caused her to attempt suicide. I say attempt with relief and joy, for what a loss each young life is. What was truly wonderful was her explanation for her recovery and decision to live. She explained that I told her things in class that upon reflection gave her hope and confidence about herself and her future.
Jolie’s note gave me hope that I was accomplishing something worthwhile. It is true if you can save one child it is worth any effort you have put into others. She caused me to understand that kindness is the most important thing we can teach. It is not the curriculum that matters, it is how we treat our children that is important. With the right words we can create a garden of beauty.
